If there is one thing I will have put on my gravestone it will be this: God is faithful. He is faithful in the seasons of struggle, seasons of doubt and anxiety, and the seasons of weakness. I cannot express how grateful I am for the strong anchor that His love and grace provide for me.
On mornings where my anxiety and emotions are running high, and I feel overwhelmed and burdened by my own weakness, I turn to the favorite, well-worn passages of his steadfast promises to me. I read, and the words settle in my gut, warm and steady. I feel my frayed soul begin to ravel itself again. Thankfully, this story is not about me; it does not rise and fall on my strength and abilities.
I am continually blown away by how patiently and gracefully God teaches me, leads and guides me. It would seem my natural bent is to self-destruct. Years of muddling through a broken and insecure world as a child prepare me to be a broken and insecure adult. And I had a better childhood than most, I am sure. I did not know homelessness. I did not know hunger. I did not know abandonment by a parent. I was well-taught and had many opportunities afforded to me.
And yet, and yet…. My heart has been deeply broken on many occasions. By friends, parents, teachers, systems, institutions. Long car journeys taking me away from home; long nights feeling lonely; long bewildering days at school. I am not special. My brokenness is no more than yours. This is the human condition. We are born into a broken world; the pain of our parents and communities becomes our own. We pass the pain on to our own children who in turn will pass it on to theirs.
The hope I find is this: Jesus enters into our brokenness. He knew what it was to experience betrayal and insecurity. Homelessness, hunger, pain. And by some miracle, he drew down from God the unshakeable faith and strength he needed to finish what was started. This shows me the way: I must also draw down unshakeable faith and strength. The same promises that held true for Jesus hold true for me. I am loved. I am part of something incredibly beautiful; the story of a world made for love and needing to be rescued. And I am never alone.
So I will pick myself up again, on mornings where everything seems black and grey and all I see is the pain. I will bask in the knowledge that I am loved, deeply, profoundly, truthfully, faithfully. Love finds me right here. And that love will never let me down.